Siryn's Song

More crazy dating and relationship stories.

A Hail Mary contact before finishing my Match subscription wrote. Not perfect on the face, as he had a kid, but he seemed sincere.

So I gave him my number and he called. We were starting to have some conversation, didn’t get too deep. We have a shared military background. That’s about as far as it got when he had to go, to take another call I think, and he said he’d call back in a few minutes.

Sure, I said.

Those few minutes never came.

No email, either.

I get the feeling that the call that came in was another woman, one that he was more interested in. Or perhaps he doesn’t date ex military gals.

That has to be one of the weirdest dating experiences I’ve had. We haven’t even met, and he disappears. Was it something I said? Whatever it was, it was his issue, not mine. I realize that.

Maybe he was testing me, to see if I’d call or write. Hey dude, I wasn’t the one who had to go. You call ME. If you don’t have the decency to call back, you don’t deserve me calling you. You failed the basic common decency test.

So I wrote it off as a crazy dating story. One less crazy to deal with.

In other news, the other dude texts out of the blue, that too bad I wasn’t closer to him, we could go see The Book of Eli together.

I waited a day, and then texted back that he clearly did not desire my company, so it was all good and that I hoped that he enjoyed the movie.

He texted back that it was too late to ask, as it was an hour before the show at the time he asked, but that’s bullshit. If you were on the fence about going to the movie, I could understand that, but don’t text me that bullshit when there is still time for me to get there. It was a lazy Sunday evening. Your ass was thinking about going to see that movie for some time before you wrote your text.

I know your game, you’re trying to make me want you.

Buddy, you lost that game a long time ago when you revealed yourself to be a colossal time waster. I’m going to waste my time my way, thank you very much. I don’t need you to help me waste it. Of course, he hasn’t figured that out yet. He probably thinks that I’m still interested and that he can have me if he wants to. Sorry, pal. I don’t think I could stomach it.

I am eternally seeking it.

My anger over the issues with the guy has really started to subside. I find myself thinking about the relationship a lot less, and am cool with not speaking to him but occasionally now that we have shifted over to “friends” mode.

Last week he set me off a bit with some bullshit in a text message about the business he supposedly wants to put together. In this exchange, I found out that he isn’t really serious about it. If he was serious, he would have had a plan – but he had none. It had made me angry because I thought he was serious and I have been trying to help him. I was wasting my time. Again.

It hit me again that he was just not serious about anything that involved changing his life. And then I went off on him a bit, and told him what was on my brain. In a nutshell, it was that he wasn’t serious, and that he shouldn’t expect me to keep wasting my time.

He also spouted some bullshit about how his stuff would be so great that I would tell people I knew him and that I kissed him for hours, and that no one would believe me until he acknowledged me. It was meant to be a joke. Well I let him know that I regret that kissing. I did not let him know just how deeply I regret it (with every fiber of my being), but that it was a huge mistake and that I would never speak of it in public.

Well, it’s amazing how much easier it has been to not think about him since getting that off my chest. He hasn’t said anything about it but I’m sure it’s lost on him how I really feel. Not lost as in he doesn’t understand, but lost as in he doesn’t care. Par for the course with him. Everything is about him.

As time goes on, I care less and less. I have my own shit to take care of and I don’t have time for someone who isn’t serious about building relationships. He is not looking for a partner, he is looking for an accessory (I did tell him that). He wants someone that fits into his life and enriches it, without thinking about what it means to give in return. He wants to love in a biblical sense, true love as described in Corinthians I. But he is unwilling to extend himself, so he won’t do it until he does.

I don’t believe him to be incapable of it… he is just not excited about me and took me for granted. He would have been settling. I’m glad he didn’t, because I would have been too.

Of course, I had to figure all this out by myself since he didn’t feel like being honest and telling me what he felt. Another black mark. If he ever decides to settle and chase me, I won’t take it, because I already know just how full of shit he is when it comes to relationships.

I guess I am still a bit angry about it, because I made a bad decision. He showed early signs of crazy and I should have just stayed away the first time I realized he was full of shit. I played myself because there was one quality I really wanted, and he was good looking. But thank God that is over.

I can finally feel myself starting to come back to a state of equilibrium.

No, lightning has not struck. He’s not serious. Or rather, I did not blow him away enough. Either way, he’s not willing to give me the time to develop an emotional bond. He’s just not that into me. He’s so self centered that he can’t deign to do what it takes to build a relationship with me.

She really has to be something else for that to happen, I suppose.

It may have.

Match has finally turned up a good penny… an incredible penny! He is a rare, rare jewel among men. Good looking, almost ridiculously so (He does some occasional modeling work). Tall, almost ridiculously so (6′5″), although a tad skinny. Stable, good job, and best of all? He is a Christian man who is serious about the Lord. Amazing!!

Now, this penny isn’t perfect (are they ever?) – he doesn’t have an idyllic background. But I get a sense of his heart and I feel that he’s got a good one. We met today for dinner and our “meet and greet” (I really don’t want to call it a date) was 5 hours long. I’d say first impressions were good all the way around!

One funny thing he did was he printed out my profile, my picture, and even one of the writings of Lao Tzu (I have been reading The Way of Life According to Lao Tzu). He underlined things, highlighted things, made notes about stuff to discuss… I was taken aback. I read his profile but didn’t study it like that!!

But it was all good, it made for good starting points in conversation. And the man can talk, he is a real talker. He thought I didn’t speak much but I don’t like interrupting people when they’re talking, and I let him talk. I’m more of a listener but I will be outspoken when I feel the need.

I liked him and invited him to come watch the Friday evening quarterfinals of the Legg Mason Tennis Classic. I have been wanting to go for years, and he likes tennis… so I think this is a good opportunity to enjoy his company even more. Thankfully, he agreed.

I’m very jazzed – at the very least, I think I’ve potentially made a very good friend.

That term is a load of bs.

Why, look at my Match inbox.

Every day they send me 5 new matches. Overwhelmingly, the matches are white. Occasionally, I get someone who is non-white. Now contrast that with those who have winked or emailed: those are overwhelmingly black.

Now, granted, I am a picky person and have a lot of stuff in my profile that would scare off all the wrong people for me. Such as wanting a Christian partner and that religion would be a dealbreaker in the long term.

But why, then, is the response to me overwhelmingly black? Is it just the black men who do not care what the heck I wrote? No, I think it’s more than that.

I know that I end up in people’s search that I otherwise would not, because I listed myself as also being Asian – white enough. I am, and I have the last name to prove it. But I don’t look it, I’m just very fair for a black woman. I took a nice picture, too.

So, why not wink at the crazy Jesus freak anyway because she put up this huge wall of text and you’re only looking at pics anyway? I get the nagging feeling it’s because I’m black.

In sending that “Daily 5,” Match doesn’t send the full profile for you to read. They set up a special page that distills out a lot of pertinent info that I’m looking for. Namely, their desired preferences for their date. So I pop open their search page in a new tab and then look the person up by name.

Many times, they make it easy for me and put in that they are only looking for whites, Asians/Pacific Islanders, or Latinas. I see that quite a bit, actually. I then return to the special profile page and tell it that I am not interested and move on to the next supposed match. A lot of men list every possible ethinicity but Black/African American.

Classy. It is the equivalent of “anything but black” and while I know it in my head, it is something my heart refuses to wrap itself around. I hate “anything but” anything.

On very rare occasion, I will get a match that interests me. Of the ones that interest me, most are white, probably because of the ratio of white matches sent to me. But I have been intrigued by a few of the black men that it sent me, and this one Latino guy. When I said yes I’m interested, however, I haven’t heard a peep back from any of them. I guess they are not paying members.

So this whole thing is rather depressing, actually. I decided to browse Plenty of Fish before remotely thinking about putting any money into it and boy was I glad. That selection of men is even more depressing than Match’s, especially from a looks standpoint.

Whatever… at this point I’m pretty comfortable being by myself, and I don’t have to worry about offending anyone with my issues.